Yesterday afternoon I had a bath because - well, I needed one, but a bath in the middle of the day is not my usual preference. But I was cold, and bored, and fed up, and it seemed a good idea.
I'm not one for the 'spa' experience, mindfulness and candles, petals floating about on the water. In fact I spent most of the time pondering on creating an algorithm to solve three-dimensional suduko grids. Don't ask me why. I can think and plan and plot my way through the ordination 9 x 9 ones, so long as they are not 'Expert', but what possessed me to embark upon this quest I have no idea.
In the end I went back to the 2 dimensional, ordinary grid, and tried to plot it out in my head, but the wretched diagram wouldn't stay still; one moment it was lying flat, like paper on a desk, and the next minute it would flip upright as though it was drawn on a wallboard.
I gave up the pointless struggle because my bath was getting cold.
Once I was reclothed in my rightful mind I ordered a bath brush.
The tiny violets are just beginning to come through in the grass now, so small that you might miss them if you weren't looking for them. If you google 'love-lies-bleeding' you will be shown pictures of amaranthus caudatus
from gardenerspath.com
but my first thought was of dicentris spectablis which I know as 'bleeding hearts', or 'Dutchmen's trousers'
https://www.amazon.co.uk/
But 'Love-lies-bleeding' is an old name for 'Violas', Ang tells me, the smaller version of the bigger showier pansy.
A viola is what Ang sent to me at the end of last week as her Cross Stitch Picture inspired by a some given to her by friends.
she filled in the space at the top and bottom of the grid with the kind of patterns they tried (and failed!) to teach be back in infant needlework classes.
I took the poem from the write-up that we do in the book which travels back and forwards with the stitching; you can see a corner peeping out in the picture.
I'm still adding what seems to be hundred of little stitches to my cross stitch picture. It isn't really hundreds, though, and getting quicker and quicker to do, and another hour tomorrow should see it finished. There's still a good chance of meeting the date of 31st of March!
The advantage of having identical grids to work on is that a good deal of planning can happen in advance. As I beaver away at the last details of this month's picture, I'm already beginning to think about April, and filling spare spaces in my diary with sketches and charts. Nothing too detailed, as we don't discuss which areas we will choose; that's part of the surprise when we open the box.
My 'flat presents', for there are two, are a small embroidery picture, and a rather lovely paperclip with 'The Lord is my Shepherd' at one end - very handy for holding my music open at the right page when I am practising. Some books have a habit of shutting themselves up, or not opening properly in the first place and this will keep them in order.
The second half of March has been a strange and difficult couple of weeks, with events appearing out of the blue to turn our usually leisured pace of life into quite the 'swan' act.
image from another blog of mine www.themusicjungle.co.uk, and was drawn especially for me.
Psalm 23 has been a great help in keeping me going. Things are mostly resolved now, and I shall be grateful for the Easter holidays beginning on Monday.
I got up at my 'usual' time, and slowly adjusted as the day went on.
I can understand why people who lived in large stately homes someone to keep the clocks adjusted; normally they just went round the whole house winding and adjusting all the various mantel clocks, grandfather clocks and any other clocks every 24 hours or 7 days or whatever.
We just had the landline telephone, cooker, microwave, two battery clocks downstairs, one battery alarm clock upstairs and the clockwork clock on the mantelpiece to deal with.
Quite often I find myself mentally quoting Captain Jean-Luc Picard in one of the many Star Trek epispodes;
This is especially true when I am working at thinking of reasons to be cheerful
although I don't remember any of the words except 'reasons to be cheerful, 1 2 3'
So, this is the first day of Year 4; I mean the fourth year since the official 'Lockdown' began
I started my own lock down about a week beforehand, having become increasingly uneasy about the news;
Taken at a National Trust garden on 15th March, 2020
... the end is not really in sight for me, and therefore my husband, and many, many others who are vulnerable to the consequences of catching covid in a way that we weren't as at risk from flu, colds etc.
There are people bemoaning the fact that lockdown happened at all - I am not even going there. The rate at which the infections were spreading and killing people was horrifying at the time, and drastic measures were necessary, in my view. The effects were traumatising and soul-destroying, I don't disagree, but I guess we have to trust that the people who actually knew what they were talking about gave the best advice that they could in the circumstances.
What the politicians made of that scientific advice as the months went by is entirely another issue - and again there are strong opinions and anger and all kinds of emotions going on and I really don't want to get into discussions.
Anyway, in my case I had to isolate, and I continue to be semi-isolated, because I take drugs that suppress my immune system, and I have severe lung fibrosis. I have had all the vaccinations that I have been offered, but it is unclear how effective they are for people in my situation.
I am very close to needing oxygen support all the time - currently I use oxygen at night, and if we are walking any distance outside.
I could go out and about, to exhibitions, museums, shops etc wearing an FFP2 mask, but unfortunately I find it difficult to walk at any faster than a snail's pace when I wear one, and after a few steps I can feel the lack of oxygen seriously affecting me. I rate the stages as follows;
stage 1 I get out of breath (this is a normal state of affairs for me, caused by getting up to make a cup of tea, or similarly 'strenuous' activities)
stage 2 I am getting very out of breath, grumpy and miserable and can't talk in sentences - this happens if I don't remember to go up stairs slowly, or when I am getting dressed if I don't take frequent pauses, etc
stage 3 is becoming tearful and I can't talk at all
stage 4 is ripping off the mask and gasping for breath like a fish,
stage 5, seriously to be avoided at all costs, is feeling that I am going to die, being overcome by fear and desperation, struggling and failing to organise my breathing. If I am wearing an FFP2 mask I can go straight to stage 5 in seconds if I am not very, very careful.
One part of my mind knows that I WILL recover if I can just keep myself together for a couple of minutes, but anoter part of my mind is in a total state of terror. I can tell you this is very unpleasant while it lasts.
(I have considered using the portable oxygen concentrator while wearing a mask, but the inlet to the machine wouldn't have a mask.... minor point, but there we are.)
It WILL be a Happy New Year, because I will Make It So; there are plenty of Reasons To Be Cheerful every day, and once the weather improves and we can enjoy walks in local gardens and countryside spots, and meet up with friends in outside cafes more often, it will be even easier to be happy and cheerful.
So this is a serious blog post - sorry - not in my usual style - but even with all this at the back of every day, We, husband and I will have a good 2023, a far as possible.
I am picking up on suggestions from various piano teaching blogs that I follow to create a sort of individual challenge for my piano pupils to each play me ten pieces by the Summer Term, four months away. I shall let them all know next week, the last lesson before Easter for most of them, although I did mention it to one student last week.
To my great delight, we started her lesson today with a piece that she found in one of her old piano books, and made an excellent start on. I had said that the ten pieces didn't have to be difficult ones, in fact it was a good idea to choose much easier ones that the current works in progress.
She thought that ten pieces was too big a challenge, and maybe just five or six was more realistic. After a bit of discussion, she grasped that this wasn't meant to be a HUGE challenge, but a series of 'little wins'; The first section of Fur Elise makes a nice little piece on its own, and is actually really straightforward to memorize, although that isn't part of the challenge.
I think too many people, children and adults, have been brought up to think that we should strive for the furthest, 'bestest' thing we can attain. Insisting on a Rolls Royce, when a bicycle would probably do the job. Fetching a sledgehammer to crack a walnut. Somewhere I read that 'nothing succeeds like success'; so whatever I am doing, being it changing the bed sheets or learning a Bach Fugue, I break the task up into a series of little wins.
'I've changed the pillowcases' - that will do for today.
'I can play the first 2 bars' - excellent.
This applies to becoming more breathless - indeed, to ageing in general. Instead of looking at the whole task, I plan how to accomplish it in easily managed and completed stages.
I'll do the 'ten pieces' challenge as well; I'll have a look through my old books and revive some favourites, and maybe finish learning a few things I started...
The 'little wins' way is the only way I have been able to come anywhere near completing this month's cross-stitch. I divided it into the six main areas by colour and did each of them. Now I am now adding in detail which is rather more freehand than the phrase 'counted thread cross-stitch' might imply. Again, there are six main areas for detail. I started with the simplest and am working through the stages of complexity, leaving the as yet 'unfathomed' section until last.
The magnifying glass is making all the difference. That, and remembering to blink every so often.
I've given myself a glaringly obvious colour gradient issue to solve. Do I cut out a huge area and restitch it? Or do I somehow do something to make it look as though I meant it all along? People who know me will know which option I am mostly likely to go for!
Whatever I do, it will have to wait until I have more time tomorrow. Not every day can be a cross stitch day.
I am already thinking of a Really Simple Idea for next month. I wonder if one piece of Aida is going to be full of complex and time-consuming pictures, and the other piece will be all 'I can't go through all that again, here's a quicker stitch' pictures, as we alternate between doing something intricate and time-consuming, and something much, much simpler as a respite?
I thought 21st of March, and 21st of September were the dates when the length of the day equalled the kength of the night. However I notice that sunrise gere today was at 06:02 and sunset at 18:15. Somebody will no doubt explain it to me, and I will have forgotten by September.
It's rare that a meal is a complete disaster, but that happened today. After a valiant attempt at eating the paella we had treated ourselves to, bought from a 'superior establishment' we gave up and tipped it into the compost bin and went and found something else from the freezer.
Whatever it is that lives in our compost bin seems to be remarkably resilient. I know you are not supposed to put half the stuff in there that we do, but it all seems to work in the end. The main fail was an excess of grass clippings (I had expressed my doubts over this). We opened the lid when we saw smoke rising and hastily added a couple of buckets of wate the worms, poor things, did survive, just, by scrambling (wriggling?) right to the top and clinging to the sides and lid.
It will soon be time to prise open the hatch and dig out the consequences of the past six months or so. We'll need some warmer, drier days before we attempt that.
I am constantly amused when I read Nigel Slater's Kitchen Diaries. n one entry he is casually knocking up a 'simple supper' (several main ingredients, a dozen spices, one hour's soaking time, three hour's resting time, bake for several hours, basting every twenty minutes or so... maybe I am exaggerating just a teeny weeny bit) and then we get an entry like March 3rd;
We had baked beans on toast for supper last night.
I notice that the weather in March - 2014, was it? - was just as grim (if you dislike cold as much as I do) as it is was this year.
I have bought lined trousers, normally phenomenally expensive from this particular manufacturer -Rohan - but nearly half price in the sale. Oh bliss. I should have done this weeks ago, when my proper size might still have been in stock - they had my size (not telling) but not 'short'. So I am wearing them with massive turn-ups while I give some thought to how to do something more permanent. The money is well spent - We both still wear items bought from Rohan ten or even twenty years ago.
On Thursday I blogged about 'niksen', the Dutch word which means 'doing nothing'.
There was no post yesterday because that is what I was doing most of the day - niksen.
Although, come to think of it, I did cook lunch (usually Himself's job).
The blue plastic sistema soup mug contains honey mustard chicken, which I made the day before in the crockpot, following another really easy recipe from 'Bored of Lunch'. The packaged wormy looking things are udon noodles and on the plate are prepped vegetables; green beans, spring onions and red peppers. Assembling this took minutes and was delicious.
It's one of the recipes which just combines various sauces; honey, soy sauce, hoisin sauce, sriracha sauce, garlic, salt, pepper, a bit of cornflour, all stirred up with the diced chicken and cooked. Next time I'll use a little less honey, and cook for a few hours less.
A Joan Didion quote is
ACTION IS THE ENEMY OF APATHY
and it works for me.
Today I completely tidied my 'studio', a 60x30cm desk, squashed into a corner of the dining area between a bookshelf and a storage trolley, and looking out over the garden. The shelves and trolley had become cluttered and untidy and everything was a mess.
It's an odd thing, but throwing away a load of stuff made it much harder to fit everything back....
I discovered yesterday in one calendar that I had a zoom hospital appointment for 11am today which wasn't in any other calendars. At least is was a zoom appointment; getting to hospital appointments in London is a bit of a logistical exercise and having a couple of days to find suitable parking, decide travel times and routes and round up paperwork is easier with a week's notice at least.
So why so many calendars? Oh well, a digital calendar is great - I can see it on my phone and my laptop and my tablet and Himself can see it on his phone too... but there is something solid and satisfying about a pen and paper diary that you can add notes to and flick through and stick notes in and mark up with a high lighter or even an underline here and there... so, I live dangerously, on the edge of chaos, with the paper diary and the digital diary, both equally brilliant and both equally problematic...
It's usually fine, until, days like yesterday, for example.
Yesterday was also further complicated by my father ringing me up about a letter requiring him to attend a hospital appointment locally tomorrow afternoon. So, I fell to reviewing Friday afternoon - one piano lesson, one group zoom - and on reflection cancelled both. Just in case everything ran late.
This morning, my father's appointment was cancelled, for good reasons, I have to add, and so I have unexpectedly found myself with a clear diary for the rest of this afternoon, and for the whole of tomorrow.
Now, because of the events of yesterday and this morning I find myself with a free afternoon (today) and a free day (tomorrow). I could reinstate the piano lesson and the zoom, but instead we shall both indulge in a bit of 'niksen'. There are books about it. Maybe I shall order one and read it, but then, if I was reading, would I be doing 'niksen'?
Somehow, I'm still not sure how, I have become a member of the Eco Church group. I'm not sure exactly what I can do to help in the project to make us into an 'Eco' church while I am still not out and about, but I guess I can listen and pray?
And knit;
Back in 2012 (Have I been blogging that long? Even longer?) I started a 'block-a-day' project, to improve my knitting skills by knitting a block from this book
and then combining them into a blanket. I bought plenty of lovely soft recycled cotton yarn and got to work. Block production started well:
but dropped off as the year continued. Somewhere I have a bag of finished blocks, but I know that there are nowhere near enough for a blanket.
They are a handy size for little dusting and cleaning jobs, and as mopping-up cloths, to save using kitchen paper for spills for when the milk boils over in the microwave, or splatters on the work surface. I am already using some and finding they are perfect. It is so easy to just fetch out a clean one and throw the used one in the wash, as opposed to ripping off a sheet of paper and chucking it in the bin.
Putting the completed blocks to good use, and finishing up the yarn is making me feel much better about the bag of bits hidden (with other unfinished projects) in the bottom of the storage chest.
It's only pi day if you write your dates American style, with the month first; 3.14
Here it's pie day. We had steak pie for lunch, with a glass of wine. Excellent.
(Air fryer hint, if you are cooking it in an air fryer, we find that giving it extra time at a lower temperature makes for crisper pastry. How much time and temperature? It all depends on your air fryer)
We started birthday celebrations for Himself on Saturday, when we met up with the offsprings for coffee. They handed over gifts and cards, which were opened then and there. Several books, and another puzzle from 'huzzle' were received with evident pleasure.
It is a satisfying puzzle to hold and, eventually, solve, not as simple as it looks.
I received a Mother's Day card and badge, now propped up alongside His birthday card on the mantlepiece.
Yesterday was looking to be such a 'bleah' day that I presented Himself with another early birthday present. A Wentworth jigsaw puzzle;
We are very fond of these because the pieces are real wood, and have 'whimsy' pieces. (They are also much harder than the usual puzzles!)
And I received some Mother's Day flowers! For complicated reasons a friend passed them on to me...
Here's the thing; it's still not his birthday nor yet Mother's Day - how long can we keep this going?
Thursday was a 4-zoom day, finishing at gone 9pm, so that put paid to blogging. I did manage to get from a measly 600 or so steps, all I had done by bedtime, to just over my target of 2023 before lights out. How? Well, I have to use an oxygen concentrator overnight, (for about 10 years now) and if I connect myself to the supply I can march on the spot for most of 20 minutes, at about 100 steps per minute. Listening to music at the same time helps.
Friday was a mad cleaning day. All I intended to do was dusting what I could see and reach, and hoover around the furniture. Himself came to help, and it turned into intensive dusting and cobweb removal everywhere in the room.
In the afternoon I tested my latest gadget
We have a good deal of limescale to deal with under the rim of the loo, and I am pleased to report that using the firmest brush and the magic pink paste has started to have a good effect. I've been waiting for the memory to surface regarding the cleaning paste and it has just come to me... Gumption cleaner! To be used with circumspection on modern surfaces.
It's not the only new electric brush in this household. The other morning out electric toothbrush started up all by itself, and wouldn't stop. We banished it to the garden in case it overheated or melted or burst into flames.
At over 10 years old we reckoned we had had our money's worth, and the replacement has arrived and is in use.
Saturday was a family meet up for coffee. We have a favourite cafe midway between us, with plenty of outside space. Astonishingly it was warm enough to sit and chat for an hour (wearing hat, scarf, gloves, extra layers and wrapped in blankets we brought with us).
Back home we had to deal with drains again... the previous drain man appears to have cracked our sewer drain. To my great surprise the water people arrived this afternoon to inspect it, and have agreed it needs sorting and soon. Quick work (so far).
Ah well. Today has been a people day too, coffee in the garden, after church zoom chat, and a family zoom. I have only 750 steps on my step counter; I'll get the rest between now and bedtime.
I am referring to music teaching zooms. Today should have been four piano lessons; but one has been moved to tomorrow, one cancelled (mock A-levels), and another hasn't joined this evening. I know she started GCSE assessments last week so that's probably why, and I'm not irritated (truly) that she didn't say because a) I can extrapolate from last week's non-lesson and b) it's no hassle to sit here updating all the labels on this blog while I wait to see if she is going to join and c) I don't prepare for her lessons. We are doing Grade 7 music theory together because she enjoys it (!). This is a voyage of exploration for me too - I turn the page in the work book, and together we try and fathom out what it all means.
The notation is different to (from?) what I learned when I took my LTCL teaching diploma around thirty years ago, and I had never heard of a 'Secondary Seventh chord' until I opened the book at page 28. This is Serious Stuff.
.........
Would you like some more drawings? I can't remember where I stopped with the last sequence. Ah, yes, 16th January.
Anyway, here's a selection of January and February, in a rather random order - not sure how that happened...
Yesterday it happened, and today I still have no regrets.
I think the last time a 'real' hairdresser trimmed my hair was either November 2019 or possibly January 2020. Either was it was (wait a mo while I count it up on my fingers) over three whole years ago.
Yesterday I cracked, and while my hair was still wet I laid hold of the scissors and cut first one side then the other. Then I called for assistance, and Himself trimmed it all level.
It looks ok when it is dry, and when I do finally manage a rendezvous with a visiting hairdresser she or he can sort it into a style.
Crockpottery
The day before yesterday I loaded the crockpot with a half onion, finely chopped, some crushed garlic, a diced red pepper, dried herbs, a tin of tomatoes and the same tin filled with chicken stock. For slow hours later, we had a delicious tomato sauce for left over cold chicken.
Yesterday I re-loaded the crockpot with 'Bored of Lunch' creamy peppercorn chicken. It's all in the freezer now, but here's a thing; I've taken to keeping back any extra liquid from the slow cooking, and using it as the base for soup. So tonight we had creamy peppercorn soup with added sweet corn, and it was de-li-cious, which bodes well for future meals.
Cross Country Collaboration
I have a small table top craft light and magnifier on order. After a recent stitching session, not long, maybe 40 minutes, my eyes were struggling to focus on anything for a few minutes. Then I had a thought - am I remembering to blink? Aha! I tried stitching again, deliberately blinking every stitches, and managed without problems.
It's still all very weird though; I've made my chart, and I keep counting stitches, and yet... the patches of colour don't seem to be where they were meant to be! Luckily there is scope for rearranging things as I go along.
I had my suspicions that I had discovered the first 'Bored of lunch' recipe that was going to be a fail. It was the chilli con carne recipe, and I am fairly certain I followed the recipe more or less faithfully. However wheen I tasted it reminded me of my student days, when no chilli recipe was a ' real' chilli unless it left your eyes and nose streaming. We weren't planning to eat it for a day or so, so half sat in the fridge and half went into the freezer.
I was hoping that it would have mellowed over time, but no such luck. The recipe also called for 30g of dark chocolate. I do usually add a little cocoa powder, but 30g? My misgivings were correct; the chilli had a disconcertingly strong aroma of chocolate. This did not bode well for lunch.
I said nothing, but googled 'too much chilli in my stew'. The answer came back 'add dairy, eg cream or full fat milk, or cheese'. Really? I trialled a tiny bit of Boursin melted into a tablespoon of hot chilli, and magically it worked. So I added about half the packet and stirred it through. The chilli was still a bit fierce, but not too much so, and the chocolate aroma less pronounced.
I have been annotating the recipes using post-it notes as I cook my way through the books; you can be sure I have noted my suggestions for next time around.
I slightly unravelled myself yesterday; woke up cheerful enough, and then a gloom settled over me and I wasted a good hour on youtube and other diversions. What is happening to me? Then I realised that a good deal of the gloom landed as I was reviewing what I needed to deal with, tasks that had been accumulating over several days.
I set too and made significant in-roads on the list, and am feeling much more cheerful as a result. I have written a Joan Didion quotation in my diary where I can see it
I don't know what's happening to me this week - it seems as though anytime I'm not doing something (something timetabled and unavoidable, that is) I'm doing nothing. I do sit and knit, as being an almost zero-energy, zero-thinking activity, and much to be preferred to suduko and solitaire on the computer, but then I have to pause from time to time and play 'hunt the dropped stitch'...
Anyhow, I have ended up at my computer so I am rattling in a blog post while I wait to see if my attempts to 'save the day' for a friend are successful. She is due to play the piano for the evening 'World Day of Prayer' in about half an hour, and one of the hymn tunes is proving elusive.
The 'World Day of Prayer', previously 'Women'd World Day of Prayer' takes place on the first Friday in March. In our local area there has been a morning service, and afternoon service, and now an evening service. I used to play for it regularly when I was active on the committee. I made it to the 2020 service and then I had to drop out. I'm still 'dropped out' as I am still (yawn, it's becoming Very Tedious) shielding since middle of March 2020. So this is nearly the end of the third year. Will this shielding ever come to an end? Of course it will.
The WDoP service is put together by the ladies of a different country each year - this time Taiwan. Poor Taiwan, always watching China and hoping that what is happening between Ukraine and Russia doesn't happen to them. One challenge every year, musically speaking, is hunting down the music for the various hymns.
But we always finish with 'The day thou gavest' - very appropriate, as the services are held right around the globe. As we are finishing our evening service tonight, no doubt the people in the Americas will be preparing for theirs.
When you read the 2nd, 3rd and 4th verses the choice of hymn makes perfect sense.
The day thou gavest, Lord, is ended The darkness falls at Thy behest To thee our morning hymns ascended Thy praise shall sanctify our rest
We thank thee that thy church, unsleeping While earth rolls onward into light Through all the world her watch is keeping And rests not now by day or night
As over each continent and island The dawn leads on another day The voice of prayer is never silent Nor dies the strain of praise away
The sun that bids us rest is waking Our brethren 'neath the western sky And hour by hour fresh lips are making Thy wondrous doings heard on high
So be it, Lord, thy throne shall never Like earth's proud empires, pass away Thy kingdom stands, and grows forever Till all thy creatures own thy sway
when the myriad appointments that were cramming my diary and my head melted away...
At 8am I thought I had 6 zooms scheduled; 4 music lessons, one family zoom and Book Club. Most of other book club members meet together face to face, bringing wine, snacks, cake and other delicacies, but they have kept the zoom component going as I am still not meeting people indoors except for unavoidable appointments.
From 8 to 9 we did a full inventory of the freezer. We should really do this Every month, but at least there weren't too many surprises (HOW many bags of peas? One, in EVERY drawer?)
From 9 to half past we tidied away the last couple of mini croissants, along with a cup of coffee.
From 9.30 to 11 I was going as hard as I could at the computer and managed to get the MARCH newsletter posted - it's at the top of the pages list. There for you to print off and post to friends if it is something that they might like. And also for me to print and post to a good friend as well.
11 was the first piano zoom, and I also received a text apology for the last pupil of the day. Just 5 zooms today then!
At 3 I started the family zoom, but ended after 15 mins as no one joined me. I can't say I minded...
So, by 3.30 I just had 2 piano lessons to go, and now, in 10 minutes, I shall find out which of my suggestions the book club will want to read.
