Yesterday was a bit tough; we've been wrestling with a dilemma regarding whether I should take yet another med, with yet another set of side effects.... and I could feel myself beginning to flip from sane and sensible to... not sane and not sensible.
Deep breath.
'I need a ritual ' I decided (not that I've ever had 'a ritual'!)
1 Acknowledge that I'm in a bit of a state. ✅️
2 Make a cup of tea in a lovely cup.✅️
3 Sit and draw... I drew a square and slowly filled filled it with circles and then filled it in with spaces. ✅️
It worked. I rang the cardiology clinic nurse specialist who advised me that I needn't plunge into starting the new med unless other symptoms got worse.
And breathe. And relax. And calm.
It's rare for me to suddenly overwhelm like this... maybe once every 15-20 years? At least I can recognise and deal with it now!
It's like going down a spiral staircase.
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| Central criminal court, Old Bailey- English Heritage postcard |
The trick is to catch myself before I've gone more than a few steps... climbing back up is always harder than going down.
Other snippets
Another blogger, Kezzie, described a concert (several concerts!) she played in over the weekend. She is a talented flautist, and The Most Anazing primary music school teacher ever... I wish I wish I had been taught by her as a child.
She included a link to this song (did they have a digeridoo in the orchestra?). This a playlist on youtube and the song she linked is the first one. I love, love, love it and will listen to the rest in due course.
If she had written her blog yesterday then 'Deep into the earth I go' would have been just as calming.
With BB's agreement I'm writing him a to-do list for the little jobs I can't manage...
- Unblock the small vacuum cleaner as I can't get it apart
- Hoover the bedroom - everything is so dusty everywhere!
- Hoover the rest of the house - I can manage the smaller vacuum cleaner but the dust is so fine it just blocks in minutes
- Deal with the filters on the oxygen concentrator upstairs.
- Take the kitchen scraps to the compost bin.
BB is a teammate...caje sounds like a terrific balance. I'm sorry you're feeling so challenged right now. Your calming steps make me think of my own response to overwhelmingness.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what you mean by 'caje' !!
DeleteBut he really is one in a million.
Its a lovely feeling when you've solved a personal dilemma.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a huge relief!
DeleteYou need a daily! They are a great help when breathing is difficult..I am asthmatic and find hoovering exhausting.. Give you and BB more cake eating time.
ReplyDeleteHi Sue
DeleteYes, we do need a daily! I dream of having a daily! But... I take immune suppressants and am extremely vulnerable to respiratory infections as my lungs are so scarred, which means limiting who comes into the house! It will have to remain a dream for now
Oooh, I'm glad you liked the song so much! I think it is beautiful! And Love finds the way was just as magical (&The Way Home).
ReplyDeleteShe actually describes music as medicine which I agree.
Sorry to hear you got yourself in such a spiral of panic. I can identify with this.
It must be so frustrating to not be able to do much that you want to. My FIL had Pulmonary Fibrosis and he was just as frustrated with it and his ability. He was a fell walker and really missed it. I used to walk slowly with him on his walks round town because I wanted him to feel he could keep up.
Sending you lots of love xx
That's really hard, for FiL, giving up fell running. I was never an athlete although we walked a lot when we lived in Yorkshire close to Ilkley.
DeleteSending you a small and gentle hug.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very, very much....
DeleteI'm sorry you have frustrations and limitations. Somehow it helps to know others have problems too ( do we tend to blog only the good stuff?)
ReplyDeleteI think I'm climbing out of my slump now. Blessings 🌸
You both have your frustrations too... one doesn't want to drone on and on but sometimes it it gets too much and one just explodes! 💣
DeleteYou're right though... I am encouraged to know I'm not the only one struggling through tough patches.
You know how when you got to bed you think of your day and if all feels "okay". Well, I feel like I'm not happy with the comment I left earlier.
ReplyDeleteComparing my issues with your much more serious ones was not something I should do and I just want to say that I'm sorry.
There's no need for an apology; don't think your problems are any less for you than mine are for me, if you get what I mean. It's how you feel a the time that matters, whatever the circumstances.
DeleteSomething really small can be a last straw and tip anyone over into a real and debilitating slump.
I'm sorry things are so overwhelming. I try to think happy thoughts, sitting on a beach with the waves gently lapping at the shore.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good idea. My mother used to 'go to a beach'... a particular tropical island they would stay at when they lived in Indonesia.
DeleteWhere did they live in Indonesia??
DeleteDjakarta, in the older part. We (brother and me) flew out twice a year, and visited Bandung, Djogjakarta, (for the temple and Ramayana ballet) Bali and various other towns and places in Java.
DeleteJakarta was way too big for me! I flew in there to begin my year and never returned. Whereas Yogya was nicer. I enjoyed the Ramayana ballet and Borobodur temple was amazing!
DeleteI always wished I had visited Bandung., it sounded great. I have some lovely sulings made by a lovely flute maker used Efendi who I met from there! He invented his own flute too called a Sulangsong which was a cross between a Suling Banding, a Japanese Shakahutchi and a Sumatran Saluang.
Spending a whole year there but have given you a much better understanding of the culture. I just spent 4 or 5 weeks there at a time, living a privileged ex-pat lifestyle!
Delete