I have just come back from visiting my parents, who have just come back from a trip to Holland. That's not what has caused this distressing episode of envy - although it sounds as though they had a great time. Canals and floating hotel and bulb fields and posh nosh and all that sort of thing.
No, no, my normally equable equilibrium has been totally overset by my father's account of his mini-adventure on a Segway. I am consumed with jealousy. I have SO wanted to have a go on one of these ever since I first saw them. He managed to persuade someone in the shop to let him have a go; within minutes he was steering it round and round the chairs and tables, apparently with ease.
(Picture from wikipedia)
I am now bound and determined to book a holiday in Amsterdam simply to get my chance. Never mind the museums, the art, the sights, the culture. All I want is to spend as long as possible zooming around like a - like a - like that woman in the poem who says she will wear purple and sit on the pavement. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/warning/ I'll skip the purple, and even the red hat, and refrain from sitting on the kerb if I can only go on a Segway! The website says that the oldest person they have ever hired one out to was 86 - so that gives me a few years to save up. All pennies into the Segway jar from now on.
PS; the poem is called "Warning", and is by Jenny Joseph, and ends:
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Consider yourself warned.